Well begun...hope not half done

Blogging a lot these days.....signs that I am devoid of friends or any social activity...well my fault..society and people are out there but anyway...its always the same argument...Guess will have to live with this....after all each human is different and if everyone is same then what is the point.....I guess a person like me should develop the habit of reading books as in non academic.....Gets me back to my English teacher Mrs.Geetha Parthasarathy urging us to develop the reading habit and telling how it helps develop visual imagery. Books can be really good friends and in a way healthier time pass than our new found soul mates "The computer". Anyway my mind is crowded with preoccupations of improving at working and making progress with driving license...sometimes I guess I get too stuck in my worries and preoccupations that I fail to enjoy and live the present. But I guess looking at the bright side I can say I always give 100% to my goals.

My vacation has started well, no half day sleep,irregular eating....have been toiling hard with theory material for driving test. I just need to become more calm....just not worry too much but focus on what to do next...plan....keep going forward...just keep going, be patient. It is said that a calmer mind is efficient and is dangerous. Always need to think that what worse can happen....I won't die.....Just try to give my maximum effort but without stress....enjoy what god has given me.....this is something I have dream't and wanted....its easier said than done for even a M.S.Dhoni or Steve Waugh who were claimed to be cool would have indeed had jitters but the difference is they managed to think what next without being influenced by the end result just as KRISHNA says in the geetha "KARM KARO KARM KA FAL NAHI SEEKHO" (Do your karma with maximum dedication and effort without worrying about the end result). This is very hard to follow but sure it is possible to practise and try in small steps. Life is like test match cricket. You need to take it session by session....When you have good moments capitalize and make hay....In dull periods just hold on .....keep trying with patience and always remain in the game.....But remember the last word is the key....GAME....Life is a game...should be treated as one....IT IS INDEED IMPORTANT TO WIN AND TRY TO DO THAT BUT LOSING SHOULD NOT BE A BIG DEAL.....JUST LOOK AT THE MIRROR, FIGURE OUT WHAT WENT WRONG AND TRY NOT REPEATING IT.....KEEP THE CLOSE LOOP going......Try--->review--->correct--->review.......You can improve every day in small steps.

A time of stalemate, reflection, and look for inspiration

So times are evolving and always TIME is above everything, waits for none, just flows and ebbs away at its own ruthless pace. If you can dance to its rhythm u enjoy. It is like adapt tune. If you are out of sync then you are singled out and look odd.

I am just thinking....Probably I am not in tune. I still am caught in the past my body has grown but at mind I am still that guy playing cricket wielding the willow and putting revs on the ball...being the tendulkar and warne, no worries of the outside world and in my own world at Pelathope, Mylapore, Chennai.... Had a handful of friends both at school and home...life went on play,exams,coaching class....the rigmarole continued, then came college.....only setting changed....different set of friends but none of them as close as the ones at school, again exams, future dream of engineering career....Masters....some more valuable  friends...exams....operation German job ....dream came true...exams were replaced by project deadlines.....something changed....friends became one friend and that too a busy friend......one more thing changed...managed to pass exams and come out more than above average but sadly  FAILURE for first time maybe temporary, maybe hopefully a passing cloud.....but friends seemed to have moved on.....they have other gap fillers....i'm almost amazed at the same reply from everyone " Can you call me later"...Wow I am always in coincidence of calling people at wrong time or is it that famous saying that when you have FAILURES YOU FEEL ISOLATED. Everyone and everything seems going against you.

 More amazingly when some old friend gets on line its not like before...there are hardly any topics to speak...its always "AND SO WHAT IS NEW" and the same question reflects back at you and after sometime we realize ok there is not much to talk..... It really amazes me that we have all lost that innocence in us...our minded crowded wit lot of stuff......I think I have not grown to realize that I am a grown up....u need to be looking mature..talking responsible stuff,vbeing all serious....sounding interested in marriage.....My GOD, I am a misfit..... I still wanna go to pelathope and wield my willow.... run and stop the ball heroically diving.....have animated discussions on children stuff....... I am caught up in the past and that was why I was shocked when my parents asked me if I was willing to marry.


Anyway there is a saying in my mother tongue that a guy who dosen't know to dance blames the stage....so guess I am the problem....I haven't moved on a sculpted a life away from work...That is why failure at work has hit me hard....looking for a inspiration and when i went back in time i found the australian cricket captain STEVE ROGER WAUGH. After initially being dropped from the cricket team he came back changed his approach to short ball and if I come across the words 'TOUGHNESS", "MENTAL STRENGTH" I get the image of Steve......So what I should do in these holidays is use the time and look back at what I have done at work in 2 years

1. What was my task and what is expected of my engineering task
2. How can I make a project plan based on examples of projects I have worked so far
3. What are the possible hurdles that have caused me to fail and how can I chalk out a plan to overcome these hurdles
4. What is my plan to increase my technical know-how (stop wastage of time on internet)

Health issues / Personal discipline

1. How can I make my daily routine better and weekend routine better
2. Body exercise
3. Possible mental exercise (Meditation)

I need a plan (2014-2017) to massively overhaul and rise from this FAILURE

FIRST STEP IS BELIEVE THAT I CAN CHANGE...I have tried and not been able to bring about the change so its all about the will power . I will look and imagine Steve Waugh when I need mental strength

To start I have 21 days and I have to set a plan to get the change in motion.

"And this, too, shall pass away."

12/2/2013  a day I shall never forget.....A day that shook me.....Am in pain..... Had a review meeting with my team leader and was hard to hear that I have not been up to the expectation in my past 2 years of work and the progress I am making is not enough.....yep its hard to hear bad things and more than that hard done. I am not the type who is insincere  or lacks dedication. It is simply that I am not able to manage my work and frankly I do not know if and whether it will improve..... I will never give up have never but I am just fearing if I am fighting in vain or will continue to fight in vain. At the moment worlds fail and I am blanked.. I know its all negative. I look up to GOD to give me the inner strength and rise up from these ashes. I know worrying does not help. All I can do is go take a step back and look what I can do to be better. This is a reality check and that too a critical one....2 more years and if I am still same it would be game over. I hope I can find a solution....Really amd broke and all I can say at this moment is this too shall pass and hope morning brings something better. Will never forget these painful times where my one and only consolation were my parents. Oh GOD please shine some blessings on me...please