Longing for the ever eluding

The feeling you get while watching a perfect straight drive from sachin.....perfect lap from vettel or the genious music of A.R.Rahman.........everyday i long to be a performer like these men.....I may not be very talented in my field.....as of now at least......even percentages are difficult for me to understand and sometimes I cant imagine how I am an engineer and that too working in a top class German company. One of my friends saw my hand and said that the luck line on my palm looked very good. I am not a great believer of palm reading but somehow I felt he was right......God has given me a severe punishment in this birth.....maybe,in my previous birth....if there was one I must have been an arrogant and haughty person or animal or whatever which did not give a shit about others......God has given me all good and all opportunities but the weakness of a very very very low self esteem and extremely pessimistic attitude......It has gone to the extent that I no longer like to live......everyday is so denting mentally........I must start a life near to god....only he can give me a hand.............God please save the being u created......I beg u please....make me a performer......and a good human being with good thoughts