The days I will never forget

Yes I will never forget these days....At this moment I just think that god is showing me how powerless a human being is......without his blessings we are just lifeless....all our ego brain power,skills are nothing.......maybe he is making me realize this.......I am put in a land where I wanted to be,in a job which I love......wonderful opportunities but with the disadvantage of having low low self esteem and self confidence. In the current life I am I am a bit devoid of friends or rather I haven't created friends whom I can share my feelings and outlet.....Today was the day probably the first time I cried when the song jai jagdish hare was going on feeling sad about my weakness....I am trying and heart in heart I know I can do it....everyday I am trying to be positive but I really really need god to give me a hand.....sometimes I also go to a mood where I think this human body sufferings and happiness or as they appear are mere illusions and probably results of our 'karma'...what is true.....what is not......can't understand.....all I know is that I need help.....from GOD. This is probably the greatest gift that mother India gave me......its ingrained spiritualism. Hope I find my footing in this world and transform from a mediocre to a super performer.....waiting in eagerness......for the agony and ecstasy to become illusions.....hope all the mental and physical pains end.......each day I go to sleep saying and hoping the being positive that the next day will be better