The days I will never forget

Yes I will never forget these days....At this moment I just think that god is showing me how powerless a human being is......without his blessings we are just lifeless....all our ego brain power,skills are nothing.......maybe he is making me realize this.......I am put in a land where I wanted to be,in a job which I love......wonderful opportunities but with the disadvantage of having low low self esteem and self confidence. In the current life I am I am a bit devoid of friends or rather I haven't created friends whom I can share my feelings and outlet.....Today was the day probably the first time I cried when the song jai jagdish hare was going on feeling sad about my weakness....I am trying and heart in heart I know I can do it....everyday I am trying to be positive but I really really need god to give me a hand.....sometimes I also go to a mood where I think this human body sufferings and happiness or as they appear are mere illusions and probably results of our 'karma'...what is true.....what is not......can't understand.....all I know is that I need help.....from GOD. This is probably the greatest gift that mother India gave me......its ingrained spiritualism. Hope I find my footing in this world and transform from a mediocre to a super performer.....waiting in eagerness......for the agony and ecstasy to become illusions.....hope all the mental and physical pains end.......each day I go to sleep saying and hoping the being positive that the next day will be better

Longing for the ever eluding

The feeling you get while watching a perfect straight drive from sachin.....perfect lap from vettel or the genious music of A.R.Rahman.........everyday i long to be a performer like these men.....I may not be very talented in my field.....as of now at least......even percentages are difficult for me to understand and sometimes I cant imagine how I am an engineer and that too working in a top class German company. One of my friends saw my hand and said that the luck line on my palm looked very good. I am not a great believer of palm reading but somehow I felt he was right......God has given me a severe punishment in this birth.....maybe,in my previous birth....if there was one I must have been an arrogant and haughty person or animal or whatever which did not give a shit about others......God has given me all good and all opportunities but the weakness of a very very very low self esteem and extremely pessimistic attitude......It has gone to the extent that I no longer like to live......everyday is so denting mentally........I must start a life near to god....only he can give me a hand.............God please save the being u created......I beg u please....make me a performer......and a good human being with good thoughts